Resist Impulse Purchases this Black Friday

One of the main causes for stress and anxiety is finance. Choices that we make now will effect us in the upcoming months. Passing through a checkout lane can be a trying experience, what with the several and varied objects within reach, taunting you to buy them at the last minute. Worse is when you have the itch to purchase on impulse as you move from aisle to aisle in the store. Below are some steps to help you resist the temptation.

1.) Make a list. Only purchase those things on the list. Check off items as you buy them.

2.) Check your list before you go, and determine if any of the items listed would count as impulse purchases.

3.) Take only cash with you. By leaving the debit cards, credit cards, and checks at home, you eliminate the possibility of going over a certain, pre-set amount.

4.) Ignore everything in the check-out aisle. If something is not in your cart by the time you get to that point, tell yourself that you do not need it, whatever it is.

The major premise of therapy for impulsive and compulsive shopping is the idea that insight alone will not stop the behavior. All stages in the shopping cycle must be identified: the triggers, the feelings, the dysfunctional thoughts, the behaviors, the consequences of the behavior, as well as the meaning of the compulsive buying.

Effective Problem Solving

Effective Problem Solving is the second half of good communication. (Note: If you have not yet read my blogs on Active Listening, please do so before continuing.)


Acknowledge the Other Side

It is essential to see a situation from the other person’s point of view. As you prepare for a meeting, consider what questions and concerns the other person may have and think about how you might respond.

When you “put yourself in the other person’s shoes,” you may find that you’re able to stay more focused, be calmer, and be more respectful. It could mean a better meeting and better results for you and whoever you are speaking with.

Make a Specific Request

Having a specific request helps resolve a problem. Your request should be concrete, specific, and achievable. For example, “Could we arrange transportation for Billy to the swimming pool on Wednesday?”

Suggesting a way to solve a problem is the beginning of working toward an agreement. Remember to say it as a suggestion and not a demand. This will keep the conversation open and help you find common ground that leads to a solution that can work for everyone.

Offer an Alternative Solution (if needed)

Once you offer a solution, you may find that the other person has limited ability to carry it out. Be willing to offer alternatives that address the limitations or concerns. Offering an alternative can overcome obstacles and get you closer to your goal.
Let’s face it. Some interactions are more difficult than others. It may not be easy to find a solution for every situation. But keep trying. Listen to the other person and explore the alternatives together. Be willing to accept a solution, even if it wasn’t something you suggested. If the solution you reach helps, then it’s worth a try.

To be effective, we need to use all the problem solving skills:

• Acknowledge the Other Side
• Make a Specific Request
• Offer an Alternative Solution (if needed)

Check Your Understanding

Misunderstandings are frustrating and waste time that could be used to reinforce healthy relationships, bring you and your partner closer together, etc.
You can avoid many misunderstandings by making sure you clarify what the other person said. In other words, when the other person has finished speaking, sum up what you think you heard. This gives the person a chance to verify that you heard correctly or to clarify something by saying it again a different way.

Communicating Respectfully

People are more likely to listen when you communicate respectfully. As an healthy communicator, make sure you are aware of the following things when speaking with others:

Use a neutral tone of voice
Speaking in a neutral tone is like holding the hand rail when you’re going up the stairs. You do it to keep from tripping and falling. When you’re angry or frustrated, using a calm voice can help keep you from saying things you’ll regret later. You’ll be doing your part to keep the conversation moving in a positive direction. Also, it’s more likely the person you’re talking with will hear what you’re saying.

Use Neutral Words
Avoid absolutes such as “always,” “never,” or “forever.” These words put others on the defensive.


Use “I” Statements
The word “you” can sound as if you are accusing or blaming the other person for the problem. Instead, use “I” to explain how you feel or what you think. This presents the information in a neutral, factual way. For example:

“I feel like the situation is getting worse” versus “You are making the situation worse because you keep complaining.”

“I think Sue may have difficulty accepting that type of feedback” versus “You are giving Sue the wrong type of feedback.”

Don't Interrupt
Nothing distances someone faster than interrupting. Your ideas will be better received if you let the other person finish their thought.

Get Involved!

Go for quality, not quantity with School Activities
Your child will benefit most from one or two activities that are fun, reinforce social development, and teach new skills. Too much scheduled time can be stressful, especially for young children, and may make it harder to concentrate on schoolwork. When evaluating extracurricular activities, consider your family schedule and personal energy level. Multiple activities per child may be too much to manage, particularly if the activities have overlapping times, disparate locations, require your attendance, or disrupt the dinner hour.

Select activities where you have someone with whom you can carpool. Even if you are available to drive most days, you will need backup sometimes. Choosing activities that occur on-site after school will also minimize driving.

Find out from the school or teacher which days will be heavy homework or test study days and schedule extracurricular activities accordingly.

If your child does not want to participate in regular, organized extracurricular activities, you may want to consider other options to help build interests and social skills. For example, check out the local library for monthly reading programs, find out if your local recreation or community center offers drop-in activities, or talk to other parents and schedule regular play dates with their children.

A "How To" on Active Listening

Few skills are as important as good listening. Active listening is more than just hearing what people are saying. It means showing others that you understand what they are saying.

Some techniques you can practice to become an active listener involve basic body language. Here are a few:

• Leaning slightly forward and towards the person you are listening to will show them that you are indeed interested in what they have to say.
• Make sure your arms are not crossed. This could send the wrong message to the speaker.
• Eye contact will show the speaker that you are paying attention to them (not your cell, other people around, the floor, etc.)
• Nodding your head or say things like "uh huh" shows that you’re listening

This is a basic tutorial on how to actively listen. The next few blogs will focus on communication and will include communicating respectfully and understanding vs misunderstanding.

What to Do When Problems Arise

These recommendations can contribute to a positive and productive school experience for most children. Some children may exhibit more extreme opposition to or fear of school or may be coping with more specific learning or psychological difficulties.
If your child demonstrates problems that seem extreme in nature or go on for an extended period, you may want to contact the school to set up an appointment to meet with your child’s teachers and school psychologist. They may be able to offer direct or indirect support that will help identify and reduce the presenting problem. They may also suggest other resources within the school and the community to help you address the situation.
While children can display a variety of behaviors, it is generally wise not to over-interpret those behaviors. More often than not, time and a few intervention strategies will remedy the problem. Most children are wonderfully resilient and, with your support and encouragement, will thrive throughout their school experience.